Kayaking and Such

A story....




Josh and Micah were good friends.


Micah owned a car.

One day, Micah and Josh decided to go on an adventure.

They decided to go ride on boats in water.

Josh was happy about the highness of the water in the river.


Micah and Josh were so excited!



They traveled miles and miles on the river.

Micah got out to rest from all of the paddling.

Although he was tired, Micah managed to smile at Josh, who was his friend.

However, Josh hated Micah, and wanted to kill him.

Micah, the true friend, did not know of Josh's plan.

When Josh got out, he did not smile.

Josh scorned because he hated Micah.



Josh wanted Micah to see tha......

Wow. I just cannot continue writing this completely crappy story. I wanted to write about kayaking with Josh tonight using only a first-graders vocabulary and sentence structure. However, this is truly a horrible way of presenting anything. Thus, I have come to a conclusion--a person who writes stories like this for children must have fallen on their head, dropped out of school, smoked tons of dope, laughed at Tidbits, watched Seinfeld and did not understand so instead watched Elimidate, eaten batteries, lost all of their money, constantly been confounded at the "rubber pencil" trick, realized they could draw lines to form letters and letters to form words and words to form sentences and sentences to form stories, and finally, after living a terribly useless life, wrote similar stories.*

The end.

*Don't get me wrong, I love children's book geniuses (such as Dr. Seuss, Roald Dahl, and Faulkner), I just don't love people who write books like my story above. I guess kids have to learn how to read somehow...

Bombastic Egocentrics

In this age where bombastic egocentrics and hollow elitists are the norm, I have decided to hop onboard. No more quotidian lifestyle devoid of materialistic arousal. No more stark phrases and vapid calmness. Finally, I can be associated with something great, something pure, something timelessly unique. I have become a water connoisseur, and I will raise my nose in disgust at your Dasani or Aquafina. I am into glass bottles with delicate lines, stylish lettering, and foil seals. I am into the rara avis from Norway and Patagonia. Lauquen, VOSS, 10 Thousand BC, and Elsenham are a few of my favourite brands. Never heard of them? Typical of the bourgeois. Very few can be so dignified in their choice of liquid replenishment. Below is a five dollar bottle of splendid Lauquen. Can't afford it? You are not alone.

Here I am thinking about drinking the purest from Norway, VOSS.

This is a fellow lover of VOSS, a close colleague and friend.
I've found that only the purest water optimally hydrates the body, reduces anxiety, heightens brain functions and stimulates sex drive. Do yourself a favor - drink untapped, unpolluted, unblemished H2O, or don't drink at all.

Mer

This is Meredith. She is amazing.

Parkour Night

Sunday Night is Parkour Night

Under a thick, hazy Arkansas sky, we went out and did it. Jump, run, swing, grab, hang, climb, roll. Without a moon as a guide, we tore up the city. Sweat beading down our cheeks, we swang from ledges and flipped off bars. We jumped off rooftops and spun off fences. Our legs felt constricted by the heavy wet denim, but we were protected from scrapes and scratches usually recieved from springy wall jumps and building drops. Our hands were slick with the humid air, but we did not concede. We tirelessly swang and jumped. What is this parkour? Why does it entertain? Where does life end and parkour begin?

Welcome to instant gratification